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Tue, 21 May 2013 20:30:48 -0400

tocreatebeautythroughpain: … <3

Tue, 21 May 2013 18:01:53 -0400

tocreatebeautythroughpain:

… <3

i have hope.

Tue, 21 May 2013 15:30:41 -0400

insight-inspiration:

and it feels great.

Reminder to myself and all of the other recovery warriors out there:

Tue, 21 May 2013 14:53:00 -0400

You might have to fight a battle more than once to win it

But it’s worth it.

It absolutely is.

wherethemountaincastsitsshadow: Boreal Owl

Tue, 21 May 2013 13:01:20 -0400

wherethemountaincastsitsshadow:

Boreal Owl

I got asked to be a Bio 111 TA for this upcoming fall

Tue, 21 May 2013 12:58:23 -0400

That was the biology class I was in last fall and the one Felege teaches. He told me yesterday that I should definitely do it.

If the time for the class fits, I might give it a shot. I think I would like it…

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Tue, 21 May 2013 10:30:32 -0400

vogue-vita: …

Mon, 20 May 2013 20:30:32 -0400

vogue-vita:

…

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Mon, 20 May 2013 18:01:41 -0400

so beautiful!

Mon, 20 May 2013 15:30:27 -0400

so beautiful!

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Mon, 20 May 2013 13:01:04 -0400

thelovewhisperer: Your daily dose of Love Capsules from The...

Mon, 20 May 2013 10:30:49 -0400

thelovewhisperer:

Your daily dose of Love Capsules from The Love Whisperer

"Don’t worry about your body. It isn’t as small as it once was, But honestly, the world needs more..."

Sun, 19 May 2013 20:30:42 -0400

“Don’t worry about your body.
It isn’t as small as it once was,
But honestly, the world needs more of you.
You look in the mirror
like you’ve done something wrong,
But you look perfect.
Anyone who says otherwise is telling a lie
to make you feel weak.
And you know better.
You’ve survived every single day,
for as long as you’ve been alive.
You could spit fire if you wanted.”

- For My Mother When She Doesn’t Feel Beautiful (via damp-earth)

euphoricspirit: Purgatory Falls

Sun, 19 May 2013 18:01:52 -0400

euphoricspirit:

Purgatory Falls

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Sun, 19 May 2013 15:30:45 -0400

It's been a tough week

Sun, 19 May 2013 13:48:00 -0400

(read more since the update is a little lengthy)

I can’t really pin-point one exact thing, as I think it is a combination of a lot of things. Mainly, I think the thing that has been getting to me is the loneliness. All of my friends from school have left for the summer and all of my wildlife friends are gone doing field work/internships. Ever since I came up to school here 2 years ago, my friends from back home have pretty much stopped talking to me, which is a bit understandable since we are so far away and I rarely come home. It’s still disappointing when I make an effort to communicate with them only to have it ignored over and over again.

I don’t have a vehicle, so I spend all of my time in the biology building working in the lab or the greenhouse when I do not have class. I also try to get a lot of my homework done while I’m here since we have no internet at the apartment. I get really lonely here, too, since the only people I see during the day are the few people in my classes (I only know one person in my general biology course and no one in my ecology class). I rarely interact with anyone when I’m in the bio building because the only people who are here are professors and Susan was gone last week running around ND checking on how her research projects are going. I did see her on Thursday when she came back for a day and sat in her office to chat for about an hour.

I usually come back to the apartment around dinner time, cook food, and then watch a movie or read my bio books afterwards. One roommate, Breanna, is usually home when I get back (the other roommate works from 3-8 and then goes to her boyfriend’s house so I never see her), and we get along fine. It’s still pretty lonely, though. They both have friends who have stayed up here for the summer, so Bre goes out with them or has them come over to the apartment, which usually makes me more lonely because it reminds me that I’m alone up here.

I usually go through periods where I get lonely being at UND, but it has gotten so much better this last year since I have been involved in the Wildlife Society and made more friends through that. It’s just been a really hard week with being so alone. The one friend (Michelle) who actually lives up here I haven’t seen in awhile since she works and has a boyfriend who she spends a lot of time with. That’s a bit disappointing too, and makes me a bit sad that the one friend I have who has stayed in the area I don’t get to see.

Things might lighten up a bit if I actually took my second antidepressant (I am on two of them). It’s not that I consciously and intentionally go out of my way to avoid taking my meds. It’s the one that I take in the morning, and I have to eat food with it or it makes me sick, so I usually wait until after breakfast. Since I wake up so early and am usually rushing in the morning, it always slips my mind to go back to my room and take it. Plus, this is a medication that costs a LOT, and so part of me is okay with not taking it everyday because then I don’t have to refill my prescription so often and I can postpone paying the $60/month for the refill. I do really think that taking it would atleast make the depression a little more bearable, because I honestly think it’s getting a bit worse. The combination of being lonely and having to cook food for myself and not being able to have an easy option of just running to the dining center to get dinner are probably exasperating the depression. Summer has always been a tough time for me, with being at home (which is very triggering) and being bored, both which combine to make my ED a lot worse. Every summer since 2006 I have gone to the hospital for my ED, and so part of the reason I am so excited as well as anxious this summer is because I don’t have to go home to the triggering environment (excited), but that I want to make sure I stay healthy so I can continue going to school, working in the lab, and then head off to the internship in June (anxiety about having the responsibility of staying healthy when I can’t remember a summer not consumed by my ED).

Being busy has really been helpful, though. It keeps my mind off of how alone I am, as well as keeps me busy so I don’t have the time or energy to engage in my ED. Something that has been especially strong in the summer is the compulsive exercise portion of my ED, and I have been doing really well with that the last year, and being busy helps me avoid that because I don’t have time to go outside and run for hours. I’d be lying if I said I don’t miss running, though. I think working in the greenhouse and spending time in the lab is more productive than giving into that, though. I need to keep remembering that I have too many wonderful things going on this summer to have time to be sick. Going back to my ED is not an option.

Something else that is frustrating with not having a vehicle is that I have no way of going to the store. I needed to go to Target/Walmart yesterday to get a printer and tinfoil so I can cook my chicken, so I waited for the bus for 30 minutes before I realized that it has been completely detoured due to the construction on one of the main streets in the town. Now the bus does not come through campus at all, which means I have no way of getting around since I can’t take the bus now. I honestly have no idea what to do.

Anyways, that’s it for my update. Hope everyone has a very wonderful Sunday and upcoming week!

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Sun, 19 May 2013 13:01:07 -0400

whatever-floats-your-quote-boat: My favorite edit by far. this...

Sun, 19 May 2013 10:30:26 -0400

whatever-floats-your-quote-boat:

My favorite edit by far.

this is so great!

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Sat, 18 May 2013 20:30:35 -0400

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Sat, 18 May 2013 18:01:44 -0400

Meant to Live

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tocreatebeautythroughpain: … <3

i have hope.

Reminder to myself and all of the other recovery warriors out there:

wherethemountaincastsitsshadow: Boreal Owl

I got asked to be a Bio 111 TA for this upcoming fall

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vogue-vita: …

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so beautiful!

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thelovewhisperer: Your daily dose of Love Capsules from The...

"Don’t worry about your body. It isn’t as small as it once was, But honestly, the world needs more..."

euphoricspirit: Purgatory Falls

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It's been a tough week

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whatever-floats-your-quote-boat: My favorite edit by far. this...

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